I stand here staring up at Her, nudging my teddy towards her feet. She’s watching reruns of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and eating cornflakes out of the packet. It isn’t even Kellogg's. It’s Tesco own brand.
According to all the available literature by now She should be able to understand simple commands (I need food. I need to go to the toilet. Pet me. Stop petting me etc…)
In fact, by now She should really be moving on to an understanding of more complex combinations of commands (Pass me the Sunday Times Style Supplement. This liver is over-cooked make me another batch. Please change the TV channel I find that man’s eyebrows disturbing etc.)
But here she is, in last season’s denim, dropping bits of cereal down her front.
I realise I’m going to have to go back to basics. I do my best ‘please throw my teddy’ face and then amplify every aspect of it by 100% - I let me mouth drop open, loll my tongue through my teeth, squeeze me eyebrows together and look painfully excited (I’m amazed I don’t pulled a muscle.)
She looks up, picks up my teddy and throws it across the room. Yes. YES! SHE’S GOT IT! Quickly (before she forgets what is going on) I repeat the sequence and YES YES YES again she throws the teddy!
Now I know it’s nothing to boast about and I certainly I wont be telling this story to the other puppies in class but I am so proud of Her today. That and the thought of the number of calories these facial contortions must be burning is keeping me sane through this pantomime.
Maybe, as a reward, I will climb on her lick her all over her face. I’m sure she would really like that. I might even pick up some cornflakes in the process.